I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me.
And realise how many times I've tried, but that's wishful thinking.
All I want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me.
Get me far away, or at least as far as this car will take me.

sigh.

I've never felt that stress in my entire life before. It's so much more worse than going through the O level period. The stress I'm going through actual sent me breaking down. zzz.. Never actually thought that will happen.. Sigh. Alright, need to complete Marketing Project now...... Miserable fuck.

malfuctioning.

I swear today was a damn fucked up day. My group screwed POM presentation. Had some feedbacks from Ms Ng and it ain't one bit positive. She said I kept fidgeting throughout the presentation. And I was like, 'Serious..? I didn't even realised I moved that much..' ZZZZ... She was supposed to hear my speech then to watch me sway.... And commented I was RESTLESS. Well, quite true actually... I REALLY CAN'T STAY STILL FOR A MINUTE, SERIOUSLY! And the fact being the last group to present was indeed very very zzz... Yeah.. Lost the attention of the class 'cause of our boring presentation and the eagerness to get out of class. Sigh... All in all, she wished us all the best and said something like, 'I see you did well for the report, and I hope the report will really pull your marks up.' Zzzzz..
The main priority now is to do a good job for the other 3 projects. I'm very very very busy w/ all these shit I hmmmm, can't find time to do my tutorial.. Well...... I have time to blog right? hahahas. Oh well, gtg anyway..

when you asked what is life for and you don't think anyone understands what you're thinking... i just wished i could care and learn to understand..... but when will you stop doubting me.... and when will you ever stop ignoring me.....?

explosive mind.

That's it, my weekend has gone w/ the wind. The concert last night wasn't that bad? Does bring back a lot of memories abt my band too. Sherry, Chester and Eden have turned into gluttons overnight! Lol. We had a 'sumptious' dinner cum supper after everything. The concert was pretty long and it ended only at 10PM. You can imagine how hungry we were. Lol.. Had hokkien mee at Bedok interchange. The guys treated us w/ satay and oyster omelette. Heh.. : ) We missed our last bus as well. The guys were lucky enough can, they live at Bedok lars. They don't have to travel much back home. !$^#$*#$^ My dear Sherry and me had to take a cab home.. ZZZ.. I reached home ay around 12.15AM and got a earful nagging by my mum. zzz.. Had a nice long bath and chatted w/ my honey bunny and darling, somehow my connection screwed at the wrong time, I had no choice but to go to sleep.
Hmmmm.. My morning was awoken by my dearest XUELI! Thanks a lot for calling me up at 10AM lar. Zzzz.. Early morning ask me go Compass Point.. CRAZY?! Hahahas.. But then honey bunny and Xueli settled at the void deck moments later. I stoned there for abt an hour, eating my chips which I can't seem to taste and had green tea which tasted like water and went home. At around 3, went coffee w/ my darlings :D Hahahas, thanks for brightening up my gloomy day :)
My mind's going haywire. And I'm losing grip about what's coming my way. I'm on the tipping point. I'm emo, I'm helpless and I'm................ zzz.

Sorry.

you are a big bad boo.

I'm SICK, SICK!!!! AGAIN....! Sigh, a bad thoart and a runny nose. Someone, CURE ME!! I can't have chocolates and chips! It's killing my CRAVINGS FOR TEEEEBITS(tidbits). Hahahas. My mind's malfunctioning.
Sorry if I..
-pissed you off.
-said something mean about you.
-made fun of you.
-laugh loudly about your flaws.
-screamed and yell at you.
-disturbed you.
MY APOLOGIES! I'm so so so so sorry.
So please, do not, and I mean it, DO NOT IRRITATE ME. Because I'm SICK, TIRED, AND MOODY.
Oh well, you can always choose to ignore me, but please don't under estimate the wrath of Jolene Tan.

Hmm, tomorrow and Saturday should be busy days eh? Tomorrow, tomorrow.. Economics Tutorial, project meeting, Tanya's concert(hahaha, she's coming to TP to sing for the kids! :D) and lastly BAND. Hmm, yea!
Saturday.. Should be meeting Olivia for awhile.. And I'm going down to meet my friends to go to Yani's band concert at SCH. HOO~ Yup..

Alright, I have to end this, I need to complete my POM group evaluation crap now! CIAO! Update soon! LOVE.

duh.

When I want to blog, I just forgot about what I'm going to say. Oh well. There's no APEL and POM lecture tmr! SWEEET. But, we have to do our project(Accountings) in the afternoon. Big big sigh.. Xian's rushing out the final draft for POM project and is not helping out in our Accountings! ARHH!!! HELP!!! I hope we can finish it once and for all. THANK YOU XIAN FOR FINISHING UP POM! :D

Got no idea why my eyes are hurting. Arg, they feel puffy and are threatening to pop out.. I deprive SLEEP, it's damn torturous when I lay in bed and can't fall asleep and finally getting so tired and sleepy after much tossing and turning for what seemed like 235368124 hours. Maybe, I think a little too much....

My house nearly burst into flames last night because some silly person in the house forgot to turn off the gasoline after cooking. HOW STUPID?! Thank God my dad was smoking some where far from the kitchen, if not the house would really EXPLODE! I can't believe it, this has happened not once, but TWICE!! I can't imagine myself getting burnt alive. Sigh, tragedy. I hope that person would REMEMBER to turn off the gas after cooking before our poor little home gets BURNT DOWN.

I had a recent communication breakdown w/ my mum. Sometimes, I just don't understand her. I have fairly odd parents. Pardon me for saying that.. My dad who's 68, very old and senile, and my mum, she's a bit too sensitive. She blew her top when my brothers and I didn't came out of our rooms just to greet her. Goodness sake, I didn't even hear the doors creak! FYI, my mother returns home after 12 midnight. I think she cried last night and has been ignoring me for the entire day. I don't get it... I know she's tired. The best she could do was like come in to my room and tell me she's back home rather than to hit, throw or bang anything she touches and worst of all, IGNORE ME. It's kinda upsetting that my parents have kinda.... changed. They are no longer the Mum and Dad we use to have.... Or maybe I'm wrong?? I DON'T KNOW!!!! :'(
I'm so caught up with life..... All confused. And all I could do is to sit, watch and laugh out loud. Ridiculous..
SIGH.. All in all, I'm just glad that I'm surrounded by people who really really cares for me, especially my classmates, band-mates, ex-schoolmates and Olivia in particular. Thanks for being there whenever I needed a hug, or just a listening ear.
Sigh, I really wish to give YOU a BIG BEAR HUG, and all I ask for is one in return.. :(
Alright, I'm getting very emotional now.. Ha.. Take care. LOVE.

rar.

I'm dying to get a brainwash now. SERIOUSLY. I've just been so caught up w/ my life that confusion is eating me up. All those cheesy l___ problems and studies are getting on my nerves. I can't help but just think about them, and how badly I wish they all could just go away. I pondered so hard to why history is repeating itself. My life? Fated to be just like that. I wanna break away so so so so so so SOOOO badly.

For you.

RASCAL FLATTS; WHAT HURTS THE MOST.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away throw the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

Can I just shout it unto you?
I HATE BEING THIS WAY, BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!
F___.

ADD ONS: Ha, guess this world is that small after all huh? I met Glynis, a blogskinner, when I was having coffee w/ Olivia darling in starbucks this afternoon! In my worst state ever. Man, I look horredous in that XL, yellow-coloured band t-shirt. Ahh, how embarrassing! Yea, so I'd greeted her and she got a shock! Hahaha. Glynis is so CUTE! Yes she is :D Okays! Thanks for the reminder. SWEET. Ciao! TC.

hmm!

Hey, how's life everyone?! Getting lazy to blog luh. Hur.. Well.. Everything seems alright for me... Aiye. I'm really sick of blogging. -__-
HUR....
Alright, just abit more.
Went to watch SWS at the esplanade w/ Hanna and Matthew, oh, and a few of our band seniors. Tuesday was TP band's lunchtime performance. It turned out well! :) hmmm, beside the fact that we weere rushing. HEHE.. After the performance the band started to cam-whore and go crazy.. MARK!!!! I'M GNG TO KILL YOU!! haha. nahs, thanks for putting my shoe up the shelve lor! Stupid pig.. Still call me Big Flat PIG!? RAR!! Hahas, went lunch w/ the band ppl and rush for tutorial. I'm so honoured that my classmates missed me X: hahaha. :D Dear Su ad me encountered some strange happenings in the toilet. It was scary but we ended up laughing so hard. LOL. The hand dryer started itself when we weren't even near it la!! OMG! We screamed and ran out and we could even hear our own heartbeats. LOL... Our classmates think we are stupid. LOL. Yeah.. So beware.... :) Okay, ytd... Nothing much happened... Today was a short day in school... Came home rather early.. I'm going bra-shopping with mummy later :D hehe. She threatened to stop buying chips for me lor.. SAD.. :/ Ok lars, that's all. FASTER GOT BAND PRACTISE LEI!!! Fucking bored w/o band friends. LOL. I WANT TO MAKE SOME MUSIC, BABY!!! :D
ok, CIAOS.
man, this entry sucks. EXCUSE ME!
Getting infatuated seems so easy, falling in love so deeply.... so deep, it hurts....

eh?

Alrigt, alright, I'll stop being emo for once. ONCE.
Hahahas. Life's back to normal.. Everything is resolved. Thank God.
School's kinda sucking me in and it won't spit me out? Ha, I need a break!
Alright, band band band.. Shit, am I that lifeless? LOL.
Anyway, please drop by my school around lunch time this coming tuesday 'caused TP band's going to have a lunchtime performance which is about 1 hour long.
Please come and take a look! Lol, shall update the details soon. :D
Have been munching non-stop! Food sins. God. Constantly getting heavier.. Hmm :(
I'm starting to day-dream so oftenly that sometimes, I find myself smiling to myself. Psychotic. LOL. Eventually, day-dreaming leads to becoming BLUR. LOL.
I have 2 B+s and 2 Ds for my papers. Econs should be a D or F. LOL. So much for day-dreaming. Tsk. Sigh, got to do my tutorial now! Ciao...
It's hard holding you, loving you, losing you...

Life is wounderful.
I don't wish to feel so emo, but I can't help myself.
I'm just crying so hard that I'm losing my breath.
I just want to give up.... and turn back time... :'(
God..... please.....

: (

I feel sad and miserable. I cried a whole hour just now. I've made you cry too, and I'm so sorry. But all I can say to you is that, why would I destroy something that we have built for so long. Thank you for reminding me that this is a test that God had put us through, and I really hope that this incident will hopefully let us understand the importance of each other. And ending this friendship or taking away your happiness is the very last thing that I would ever do. Sigh.. I'm just another miserable fuck. :( I want us to prove to God that we will make it no matter whatever the outcomes are going to be and I really can't afford to lose you. It will be my biggest regret if I ever let this go... I'm so sorry that this is actually happening. But I know this wouldn't bring us down...
Thanks Kelly, Sijin and your wonderful class 5 Joy for the BBQ. Thanks for the fun and laughter, you people made my day. I might update it sooner or later. I'm really feeling damn miserable and I'm just taking some time off to reflect. God, I'm tearing again.... :'(((

hullos.

i'm so tired duh.. *yawns.* woke up early in the morning to acompany mummy to eat big breakfast at macdonalds'! then went to school for economics tutorial. the lesson was short and sweet, so is mr lim. lol, he's always making me laugh. i skipped accountings remedial! oh gosh, i'm losing out on my own. i just don't get why i got a stupid ugly donkey for it. :C how depressing! had my project meeting for accountings project, didn't go through project though, we went through our tutorial requirements and split the job, then meeting was split. we kinda gossip alittle about working with different people in the class. lol. oops. glad i'm with xian, su and jacq. gary went missing again. LOL. huff. so we went different places. i went to find mai, nurul, yangs and kin-kin :D ok they were also doing nothing productive. lol. keep watching stupid videos on kin's lappy and it actually made us insane. haha. then we visited cheers twice. i bumped into my darling conan. LOL. i keep seeing him luh. he even said bumping into him is a good and lucky thing. *huffs!* bought ice-cream upon the second visit. i was deperate for ice-cream. will, i broken my vow. LOL. i will still buy ice-cream from cheers even though my chocolate vanilla ice-creams tragicly dropped to the ground a month back. lol. after waiting for 3hours, just sitting outside lecture rm19, doing really nothing!! yani came to save me! mwahs! love you! lol. went for band to practise awhile while waiting for my dears to go dinner with me! then my eden and conan came to rescue me! lol, 'cause i was famished. hehe. had spaghetti at mensa. uh huh. yummy. so, we had band, broke for sectional and totally forgot about time. and we played till like 9.15pm. we only went back in to pack up at 9.30pm. yep. went home with hanna,yani and eden. wonder why saxophonist are such insane people, and jolene, you are not sane. both jolenes ARE INSANE, okays. lol. we started to dance to Tennessa Waltz on the overhead bridge where everyone actually saw us. lol. ya. had a great friday though it was so freakingly tiring. hur. it's the weekends! rest well darlings! i'm going to meet my olivia on sunday! YAY! mwahs mwahs. good night dears.